London Day 8 – Sandeman’s Free Walking Tour, National Portrait Gallery, Faranelli and the King with Mark Rylance

10/19/2015

Mom, Dad and Angel flew home today. They went via the King's Cross tube station on the Piccadilly line straight to LHR. But since it was Monday morning rush hour, it took them a while to navigate thru all the people rushing to work. Getting the VAT custom stamp was a breeze, they said.

Below are some of the pictures Angel took at London Heathrow:

I had lounge passes for two of them, so Dad and Angel went into the Plaza Premium lounge in Terminal 2. They had a mango mousse dessert Angel really liked:

English Trifle

Lounge Buffet

They had chicken tikka masala!

Meanwhile, I caught the 10am Sandeman's tour. The tour starts in front of the Covent Garden Market (adjoins the Jubilee Market):

Our tour guide. Cute, isn't he?

Above the guide, Jake, is the Queen’s royal emblem. On the left is a lion. The national mascot used to be another animal (leopard?) but after England subjugated India and 80% of the world’s population, they felt they should adopt the King of the Beasts instead because they dominate all others. The shield is separated out into 4 corners—bottom left and top right are England, top left is Scotland, bottom right is Northern Ireland. The unicorn on the right is Scotland’s royal mascot. Kind of symbolizes the Scottish people towards the English—they can disappear into the heathers when they see the English coming, like an invisible unicorn. It symbolizes their defiance in face of the English, though a chain was added to the unicorn as the English’s way of saying they subjugated the unicorn too.

A long time ago, this posh area was originally a garden. Nuns tended the garden and sent the food it produced to Westminster Abbey, a mile away. Thus, it was originally called the “Convent Garden”—Phillip V in tonight’s play of Faranelli even alludes to this! Somewhere down the centuries, the n was dropped to Covent. When Henry VIII broke away with the Vatican, he ordered the destruction of all Catholic churches in the country. He kicked a lot of nuns and priests out; Convent Garden and the land surrounding it Henry gave to his good friend Bedford. The Bedford family was good enough to open the garden to public use and enjoyment. By the 1700s, theatres sprang up in this area. Indeed, I passed Drury Lane on the way over to the tour! Theatres are associated with prostitutes—this was the original way of “hiring” a girl for the night. Like current day Amsterdam, where the red light district has girls on display through glass cubes, the theatre was a way for pretty young actresses to display their wares. Men with money or aristocratic birth would go to the theatre and pick out which actress he wanted for the night. In time, Covent Garden became known as the red-light district with 5500 prostitutes working the area. The place quickly degenerated and the Bedford family was appalled. They set about revamping the area, and built the present-day market—though to call it a market these days is a bit of a stretch, as Chanel, Burberry and Dior are housed in this “market”. This market became London’s premier fruits and vegetable market until WWII.

When the Romans first decided to set up a trading outpost on the river Thames, they settled on a spot where the water was calmer in order to cross from one bank to the other. This became known as the town of Londonium. Several hundred years later, the Anglo-Saxons from Germany came over and set up their town next to London called Westminster (West of the Church). In time, the population of both cities exploded and the two cities just tumbled on top of each other, which is why we all call it generally London now. Westminster Abbey was built by these Anglo-Saxons and since 1066, all the monarchs of England have been crowned here, though the current façade is from the 1700s.

He explained that contrary to what you might believe, you’re not actually in London. We’re in Westminster. London is one square mile with a residential count of 7500 people. It’s a finicky place—the Queen needs permission to enter the city. 

Edith Cavell was an English nurse who was caught and executed by the Germans during WWI. This statue commemorates her:

National Gallery is showing a Goya exhibit

Drinking related accidents shoot up 250% on Fridays and Saturdays. Britain is a nation of drinkers.

Trafalgar Square

Trafalgar Square – monument in honor of Horatio Nelson, the admiral with one eye and one arm, but rose from low birth to hero of a nation. He was Winston Churchill’s idol. Nelson died a few hours after the victorious Trafalgar (in southern Spain) battle against France because, though the battle had been fought, a Frenchman on the enemy boat espied the medals glinting off Nelson’s chest. He took aim and fired, shooting Nelson through the chest. Nelson’s last words were of his beloved mistress, Emma Hamilton—their portraits can be found in the National Portrait Gallery. His crew wanted to preserve Nelson’s body to take back to England for proper burial, but they’re on a ship in the middle of the sea and there’s no such thing as a refrigerator. So they had the brilliant idea to put Nelson’s body inside one of the wine caskets because alcohol is supposed to preserve things, right? Well, the day they arrived in England, they were greeted with much fanfare. It’s like the street celebrations at the end of a war—everyone’s out in the streets, drinking, celebrating, and cheering on the navy—their heroes of the hour. When it finally came time to open up the casket to retrieve Nelson, they opened it up…to find the whole casket had been drunk! People were drinking wine infused with Nelson’s rotting corpse! Uhhh…yum? Depends on how much you like the man, I guess! This is when the term “stiff drink” was coined and where the stereotype of Brits with their bad tastebuds and bad alcohol come from—because how could you not know you were drinking rotting flesh???

The four lions guarding Nelson's column are made of seized French cannons melted down. Sculptor never saw a lion before, so he went off the images he gathered from nobles’ paintings. The head may look like a lion, but it is not possible for a lion to sit that way—the body is actually modeled after a cocker spaniel’s. 

Four statues of previous monarchs are the cornerstones of Trafalgar. One, William IV, was bombed during WWII. It was left empty for many years until the Mayor of London decided to hold a contest and let the people vote. This contest is held every two years, and the thought process of why they don’t want a permanent statue there is because they want to reserve it for Queen Elizabeth. But out of respect, she has to die before they can make a statue commemorating her. The current statue is a stance on capitalism. The skeleton horse has a big bow on his front leg, and digital blue numbers and symbols run continuously on that band. The numbers and symbols are of the London stock exchange:

The arch built in honor of the King’s mother:

All ceremonial processions come through here. This street is called The Mall, but not in the same pronunciation. Think of the pronunciation of "maladroit". That’s the mall. Just cuz the royal family likes to differentiate themselves, they even pronounce things differently! The streets within this area are all red because it’s to simulate the red carpet look to please Queen Victoria. The Prime Minister of China will be visiting this week, thus why you see the UK and China flags together. Anytime you see police on motorbikes flashing blue lights and cars flashing blue lights following them, it’s usually a member of the royal household.

The Mall

Where George, the debauched Prince Regent used to live:

Red brick building is St. James’s Palace. Most important palace because this is where the royal family has always worked: 

Charles and Camilla’s house:

There used to be the guards were stationed outside the gate. But a couple years ago, a Colombian tourist was marching next to one of the guards to be funny. As the guard turned directions, he smacked the tourist with his rifle! Overnight, a chain was erected and the guards were moved inside the gate. This is also for their own protection; one of the guards was hacked to death as he was getting off duty by Islamic extremists.

I think we all know what this building is:

The gilded gate was given by the Canadians:

There are other statues around Buckingham Palace, all given by former colonies like Australia and New Zealand.

St. James’s Park used to be the hunting grounds for the king. It was also a menagerie of sorts. It had crocodiles, camels, even an elephant roaming the grounds. Come winter, the crocs would die off, so the king had them replenished annually. More recently (1980s), a homeless Irishman slept in this park. He was a drunkard and one night, he decided he wanted a warmer place to stay for the night. He popped over to Buckingham Palace. There were no guards patrolling the outside, so he tried a window and it miraculously wasn’t locked! He went through and on down to the cellar, where he promptly opened a vintage Bordeaux…of the 1944 variety. It was a bottle given to the Queen by Charles de Gaulle to celebrate the end of WWII. At any given time, the Queen has a stock of 18-20 million pounds worth of wine in the cellar. Out of all the bottles he drank…! He takes a walk in the Royal Gallery, containing an art collection worth a cool billion pounds. The alarm trips off, but the alarm had tripped off just last week in the middle of the night and turned out to be a false alarm. The royals weren’t too happy about being yanked out of bed for a false alarm, so the security manager on duty disables the alarm instead. Then the bloke decides to go upstairs to find a bed to sleep in. The early dawn sun was rising at this point. He goes into a bedroom, throws open the drapes, turns around to the bed…to see an old lady in bed.

Yep. Out of all the bedrooms—the 750 bedrooms in Buckingham Palace—he stumbled into the Queen’s bedroom! It was the one night her husband was away so the Queen was by herself. Since it’s the 1980s and the IRA’s throwing bombs left and right on the London streets, the Queen has been trained for a moment like this. Without blinking an eye, she draws him into conversation. She knows she has to keep calm and keep him engaged. Wait until the right moment to spring for help. But what does a homeless Irish man have in common with a queen? Fortunately, he has 4 kids, she has 4 kids. They talk about their kids (this is about the time all her kids are getting married off—like Charles to Princess Diana). They talk for 45 minutes, which is a lifetime if you consider how much time the Queen allocates to meet and greets! Finally, the guy asks for a cigarette. She doesn’t smoke, but offers to get one for him anyway. He says no, that’s okay. She says I really must insist. What kind of hospitality do you take me for? She rings down to her maid and asks for a cigarette and a lighter. The maid is immediately suspicious because the Queen doesn’t smoke. She alerts the butler and the butler and valets (all ex-SAS) go immediately to her room, bang open the door and jump the guy. He’s thrown in asylum for 10 years. When he finally gets out, he sells his story to different newspapers and tabloids and makes a shitload of money. He now has four houses in Ireland and is considered a celebrity there. Talk about the luckiest guy!

The Clive statue we were wondering about next to Churchill War Rooms turns out to be the guy responsible for bringing all of India under Britain’s domain. 

Clive statue

I asked the tour guide about the building Angel and I saw across Southbank yesterday. I asked what building it was because it reminded me of the one in Skyfall. He replied: MI6 building. I looked at him blankly, thinking he was asking if I was referring to the MI5 building in Skyfall. I repeated the question. He said: No, really, that’s the MI6 building. I can’t believe they let them film there!

A girl on the tour and I started talking and ended up walking next to each other for most of the tour. She’s from Brazil but had just come from Madrid and had visited the Royal Palace. Her first time in Europe. She said Bueno Aires is much like Madrid in architecture and feel. She’s from Sao Paulo, where it’s so hot, she can’t think half the time. She loves London weather. She told me the dishes you must try when you get to Brazil, but Portuguese is so hard, I’ve already forgotten the words. She’d never heard of pastel de nata before, so I guess Brazil is very much its own country now and far away from the Motherland. 

Most royals are married at Westminster Abbey, except Charles and Diana (and then Charles and Camilla). Westminster doesn't have stairs leading up to the large entrance. Diana wanted steps to show off her very long train, so she insisted on moving the processions to St. Paul's to Queen Elizabeth's dismay.

Westminster Abbey

The hamlet is the birdkeeper and groundskeeper’s cottage at St. James’s Park:

All sorts of animals will come up to you if they think you have food:

They're not afraid of humans! I'm standing literally a foot away from this big guy, and he doesn't care:

Painting the fence black:

American kids feed ducks. British kids feed squirrels and ducks. Squirrels are so tame here, they’ll come up to you and eat right out of your palm!

Gorgeous plant arrangement in St. James's:

The Mall with China's flag in preparation for the Chinese Prime Minister's visit

Queen Mother was the most popular royal family member until her death in 2002: 

She’d been widowed for 5 decades. Asked what her secret to longevity was, she said gin & tonic every day.

Our tour guide’s favorite royal is Queen Elizabeth’s daughter. In the 1970s, she was the target of a kidnapping scheme. The would-be kidnapper assaulted her driver as they were stopped (I guess at a red light?). After the driver had been out of commission, the kidnapper demanded the daughter get out of the car. She replied, “Not bloody likely!”, kicked the door shut and sprung out the other side. Police were waiting for her to help her get to safety. She was mid-20s at the time.

The tour guide took us down Diagon Alley (the inspiration JK Rowling modeled the alley after): 

Hedwig!

...and then took us to the alley used for the films, which is diagonally across the original alley.

Diagonally across...diagonal...Diagon...get it?

The alley has a lot of quaint shops selling antique knickknacks, like these curios:

Antique books:

First edition book, at that! Sherlock Holmes:

Ugh Harry Potter...I really want the first edition UK books!!! Angel won't let me >.<

Check out the price tag!

Game of Thrones!

I went to the National Portrait Gallery next. The tour lasts 2.5 hours, so by the time I got to the gallery, it was already 1pm. I paid for the audioguide anyway, though the guy at the desk warned me that the audioguide would take several days to get through if I wanted to listen to everything. Yikes.

The tour starts with the Tudors and goes through every dynasty after that all the way to the current. Many iconic portraits are housed here, including the one of Henry VIII, Richard of Gloucester (Shakespeare savagely attacked Richard’s looks of that of a deformed monster but the portrait doesn’t show any of this. Indeed, Richard’s contemporaries had nothing more to say about his looks other than that he was frail-looking and short), Anne Boleyn, Elizabeth I, Churchill, Margaret Thatcher, and the only surviving portrait of Jane Austen, drawn by her sister, Cassandra. They said Jane was a much better writer than Cassandra was an artist, for their nephew said the portrait looked nothing like Jane.

Anne Boleyn

Henry VIII

Henry VII, Henry VIII's father

Richard III

Elizabeth I

Elizabeth I

Dudley, Elizabeth I's favorite courtier

Self-portrait of Van Dyck

Henrietta and Charles I made quite an impression on me, not because it was a love match or the fact that he was executed during the English Civil War with Cromwell. It's because Warwick Castle has a painting that's supposed to show Henrietta and Charles together, but the spendthrift Grevilles chopped the painting in half, then proceeded to chop off their hands in the paintings. Hands are the hardest thing to paint, so it's also very $$$. Painters would charge extra if you wanted your hand painted, so it's really quite unbelievable what the Grevilles did. The only reason they did this was so they could fit the portrait into the damn gilded frame they'd bought!

Queen Henrietta

King Charles I

Robert Boyle

John Wilmot

Barbara Villiers

Louise de Keroualle

Duke of Buckingham

Nell Gwyn

Isaac Newton

Little Alice

George, Prince of Wales

Maria Fitzherbert

George, Prince of Wales

They didn't allow photography of this portrait

Margaret Thatcher

The whole reason why I came to the National Portrait Gallery was to see Jane Austen's portrait, drawn by Cassandra, her sister:

I thought it'd be a painting, but it was really quite small!

Divorce Proceedings

Lady Hamilton and Horatio Nelson

And our favorite Regency rogue (he is quite dashing, isn't he? ...he died broke and in exile though):

The Mad, Bad Lord Byron

There's portraits of his one-time lover, Lady Caroline Lamb (who coined the phase "Mad, bad and dangerous to know" about Lord Byron) and her husband, Lord Melbourne (Queen Victoria's most trusted adviser) in the gallery too.

Mary Shelley

I was kicked out of the museum (what else is new?) at closing time, so I reluctantly returned the audioguide and went traipsing through London. Along the way, I weaved through Chinatown:

Followed the lighted pathway to...Whole Foods, of all things:

NFL is coming to town this week for exhibition games. Buffalo Bills playing Jacksonville this weekend.

I bought tickets to Faranelli and the King because Mark Rylance is starring as Philip V, the king of Spain. Mark's wife, Claire van Kampen, wrote the play. It was originally performed at Shakespeare's Globe to a sold-out run before transferring to the West End.

Philip's wife, Isabella, is from Italy. Philip’s going insane and Isabella is desperate for a cure so that their ministers don’t overthrow Philip from power. A doctor tells her to try the London opera, and when she goes, she realizes the remarkable healing powers of music because the singer’s so good. Faranelli is the toast of the opera world, and Isabella makes him an offer he can’t refuse. They go back to Spain, where the king is awed by Faranelli’s voice. The king starts to get better and the three of them retreat into the countryside to play idyllic and pretend there’s no care in the world, even though Spain is on the brink of war. It is a comedy of sorts. Mark Rylance is brilliant as the king slowly going insane. He says that Faranelli has chased away the voices in his head and for the first time, he feels free and unencumbered. Uncaged. Unleashed by this wondrous music. Faranelli is played by xx but when it comes time to singing the opera pieces, xx comes out. I bought the 10 pound seat, which I’d never done before. The lady pointing people to their seats told me to go up to the stage. Um, pardon…what?! At the bottom of the stage are two ushers. One to caution you of how this will work, the other to take you to your seat. Turns out, stage row seats are actually on stage! I went up the stairs, onto the stage, and then backstage, where there was a flight of stairs to take me right above the stage. The stage rows line the stage from left, back and right-hand side. My view was a little blocked by a post and the girl in front of me leaning her head out, but if I stand, I could see most everything because I was closest to the stage edge and actors usually perform up there. The people sitting to my right had mostly a view of the back of the actors’ heads. I was literally ten feet on top of the actors! Really enjoyed myself; Rylance is brilliant as the insane(ish) doddering old king (he can be surprisingly lucid and shrewd when he wants to be…remind you of anyone we know?). The theatre is very small and intimate; they share a wall with the Garrick Theatre. At the end of the show, Mark Rylance made a plea for donations for Acting for Others, a charity that helps actors in need out financially for medical insurance, etc. He started it with: “My good friend Judi Dench—who’s playing on the other side of the wall, incidentally—has asked me to ask you for $$$.”

The older English couple sitting beside me were talking about El Escorial during intermission (what a coincidence!) because Faranelli is based in Spain and there’s a lot of jokes about how bad the English are at everything. They’d gone to Madrid a couple years ago so we got to talking about Europe, traveling (their daughter went to CA to celebrate her 10^th anniversary. They brought their 3 daughters along and went to the Elvis chapel in Vegas to renew their vows, all of them dressed in white), and different shows. They’d never seen Phantom because the wife doesn’t like the music, they both loved Three Days in a Country and she really likes Gypsy. So I guess I need to see Gypsy next!